Why I Love Buffy – Even Though She’s Not Black!

Connection. Disconnection. Reconnection. These are themes that run through all of us. Yes, representation matters – but it’s not the only thing that matters, writes Sarah Elliott

“It’s just, like, nothing’s simple. I’m always trying to work it out. Who to hate, or love…who to trust…It’s like the more I know, the more confused I get.”

Buffy, “Lie to Me”

Representation matters. It especially matters when you’re from the Mines of the Under-Represented or worse, you hail from the Dungeon of the Unrepresented.

If you consider yourself a minority group or if others consider you one, you may have been equipped with that extraordinary power. You know the one. The radar that has you scoping out films, TV series, stories, adverts or anything where you spot someone who either looks like you or who you think likely has a similar world experience. That world experience might be how you see the world or how the world sees you.

I can only speak from my own experience as a Black woman whose parents were part of the Windrush generation. Growing up, there weren’t many Black characters on TV. That changed over time, and we eventually had Desmonds, The Real McCoy, and a scattering of Black characters (often criminals) in TV series. This was a slow burn, and we were always behind America. 

Even though I was seeing more characters who looked like me on the TV, I longed for a Black superhero. The first one that excited my generation (whatever letter of the alphabet that is) was Wesley Snipes as Blade. More recently and most memorably was Chadwick Boseman as Black Panther. Wow. To watch a movie where almost the whole cast looks like you does something very healing to your psyche.

Does this mean that I only like superhero characters who are Black? Obviously no – because I love Buffy. Buffy the Vampire Slayer is my favourite TV show of all time (and I REALLY loved Fraggle Rock as a child). I think Sarah Michelle Gellar did an awesome job playing the lead character. But what do I really have in common with a petite, blonde, white teenager who seems to have a penchant for PJs (oh, there’s one thing then!)?

I mean, do I see myself when I look at her on the screen? Physically, no. Culturally, no. But emotionally, yes. It’s more than the obvious ‘we’ve all been a teenager struggling to go through the changes, finding ourselves and navigating our place in the world’. If you set aside the supernatural element of the show, the human stories become more evident. Connection. Disconnection. Reconnection.

(Pictured: Sarah’s personal collection of Buffy swag)

Connection despite differences

Here are three BTVS episodes where I really connected. Trigger warnings for bereavement and musicals.

Once More With Feeling

The musical episode. It’s quite paradoxical because yes, it’s full of singing and dancing but I don’t think anyone in the episode is actually happy. And so many of us are familiar with unhappiness. Possibly the deep, dark kind where you think you will never escape, and no one is coming to save you. These lines (sung by Buffy) still resonate with me.

“I touch the fire and it freezes me. 
I look into it and it’s black.”

Observers may see someone who ‘has it made’. But past times have had me feeling guilty and bad about myself because I’ve not felt very grateful for the wonderful things I had. I wasn’t excited. I’d stopped looking forward to things others viewed as interesting and fun. I’d be there at a happy occasion, but I wasn’t there. I was trapped in a dark cave devoid of oxygen and, I didn’t care. Even if the fire had been there, I wouldn’t have felt it.

“Why can’t I feel,
My skin should crack and peel.
I want the fire back.”

(Photo: Buffy sings in Once More With Feeling. Image source here.)

Trying to make sense of the numbness you feel can have your mind spinning in circles. A cyclone of thoughts to chase the tsunami of emotions. A mind that cannot seem to calm. And for many of us, this is why we write. Get. Those. Words. Down.

“I’ve been making shows of trading blows
Just hoping no one knows
That I’ve been
Going through the motions,
Walking through the part
Nothing seems to penetrate my… heart”

Just ‘going through the motions’ until I felt like myself again or until something changed or someone came to save me! Buffy, I get it! 

The Body

This is the episode where Buffy’s mum Joyce dies. Buffy comes home to find her already dead on the sofa. The unexpected. Something you know will happen one day (circle of life and all that, thanks Elton) but absolutely nothing will prepare you for it. It was years after this episode aired that my mum died and although I hadn’t found her on the sofa, her passing had been quick and unexpected. It’s only this year that I’ve been able to rewatch the episode The Body again. It’s heavy.

What we do as creatives, writers and those who help to spread stories more widely is so important. In my moments of grief, it didn’t matter that I was reflecting on a TV character. Sarah Michelle Gellar portrayed the emotions I was feeling and helped me feel connected. Shrouded as I was in a myriad of emotions, I felt seen.

(Photo: Buffy and Tara in The Body; image source here.)

Graduation Day: Part 2

In the final scene, Buffy takes a moment, prompted by Oz, to appreciate the fact that she survived High School (and the monster of the season). Survival. Isn’t it our base instinct? We’ve all survived something, overcome challenges, and moved beyond places we thought we could never leave. Buffy fights demons. Many of us have demons. They just wear a different mask and can camouflage so effectively that we don’t even realise they are there, much less know how to fight them.

(Photo: Willow and Buffy at graduation; image source here.)

We could all do with taking a moment more often. Acknowledging the seasons of our life we have survived, thrived or simply existed in.

Representation matters – but it’s not the only thing that matters

When I see Buffy on screen and she’s easily running a comb through her hair, I can’t relate. Show me someone whose head is being yanked this way and that on a Sunday evening and yes girl, I feel you. I don’t see Buffy experiencing racism. I don’t see Buffy seamlessly learning how to code-switch, dim her light or hold her tongue when she wants to shout. I see Buffy ‘enjoying’ her white privilege.

But I also see Buffy’s humanity. I see her experiencing emotions, navigating relationships, learning lessons, falling and failing, and evolving. Shared humanity. It’s what links us all together regardless of who we are, where we come from or whatever label is slapped on us. If only those in power respected the fact that our experience is shared, the world would be a different place. But we all have power. It’s up to us to choose how we use it.

Would I have loved Buffy even more if she had been a Black character? Absolutely yes. Representation matters. But it’s not the ONLY thing that matters. Please, quit with the tokenism. Let’s educate ourselves, explore our own prejudices, be brave and keep writing characters that form connections. Because without connection, we would be alone. And we’re really not. So…

“If the apocalypse comes, beep me.”

Buffy, “Never Kill a Boy on the First Date”